One week into Toronto, and I start to realize things I’ve missed.
Living in a city where I can walk everywhere.
Feeling my cheeks turn rosy the moment I step inside after being outdoors for more than ten minutes.
Breathing smoke into the air.
Eating soup and feeling the hot broth warm me up from inside.
Passing by houses with history and trees that lose leaves.

I’m reminded of the things I used to love back in Sweden, and it makes me feel nostalgic and more than a bit sentimental.
I smile to myself a lot.
At the same time this is a lonely time for me.
LA was lonely too, but slowly and surely I got to know people, surroundings, day to day routines.
Here all is new again.
I feel much stronger than I did back then when I had to conquer loneliness in Los Angeles, and it’s in those realizations that I feel myself growing. Or, I’m strong enough to realize that I’ve grown. I can’t say in what order things happen, but sometimes I do get struck by it all.
It might look like I’ve done a lot these past few years, while I could feel that I have done nothing, and the truth is probably somewhere in between.
My best work has been done inside my brain.
My professor at university told me my favorite words of wisdom one day when I complained to her about not getting enough words on the paper, feeling like I got nothing done. She said “Your brain is working on this around the clock, one day it will be ready to be written down and then you will realize you have done all of it already, in your head.”
And it happened.
Now I live by that; I’m not doing nothing, my brain is working.