I will never grow up if that means stopping to play pretend.
Today I pretended I was in a bunch of movies. On my adventures I found an old car, a rooftop with weird things on it, and a cool metal structure tower. All things that fit perfectly into my fantasies...
Pretending I'm in a Mad Max movie.
(By the way: such a GREAT movie!)
Pretending I'm in a 90s movie.
One of my favourite movies ever is Reality Bites
and I would LOVE to be a part of that gang (or a movie just like it, if it isn't possible to have myself transported into that exact imaginary world).
Pretending I'm in a Hollywood action movie, running away from an explosion and/or some really bad guys. Or maybe I'm the bad guy? That would be cool.
And lastly: Pretending I'm in a Karate Kid movie.
I created the hashtag #lottapretendingshesinmovies, because I have a feeling I might have to take more pictures like this. It's just so fun!
Okay, that was all for today! Talk to you soon!
Let's talk a little about holding yourself back and how to not do that. Okay?
I want to be a person who does what I love the most without limitations sprung from worry over what other people might think. I think many can relate to that. It's one of those universal feelings we humans drag around without knowing how to get rid of.
The people I look up to the most are the ones who do what they do as largely as they possibly can. Seemingly free from ideas and restraints of how you "should be". Just doing their thing.
I often feel captured between a will to be free and wild in my (creative) expression and a fear that people will not like me. And that is the best way to not create anything interesting ever.
The other day I was struck by a realisation though.
The person you look up to the most (and maybe want to be like) are not loved by everyone. Because it's not possible to be unique and interesting without having people not liking you.
It was like turning on a lightswitch in my head. So simple, really, but earth shattering for me.
It's not possible to stand out and not have people who can't stand you (see what I did there?).
And I really really want to stand out.
Let's take an example:
At the moment I have a lot of time for myself. I'm alone during the days and therefore I take a lot of self portraits.
A fear that pops into my brain quite a lot though is the worry that people are going to see me as self absorbed, that they are going to misunderstand the purpose behind my pictures.
At the same time there's almost nothing that I enjoy more right now. I see myself grow through every self portrait I take, and what comes from having only myself as an instrument, has turned into this amazing way to express myself and be creative every day. Turn places and emotions into a stage bigger than what it was moments before.
And you know what? If someone sees me as narcissistic then okay, let them think that.
Hopefully there's at least some people who find what I do interesting and inspiring.
And if not- okay, I might need to go and turn that emotion into a self portrait though...
Both these self portraits are taken at David's office building here in LA during the weekends when there's nobody there except for us (and the labrador Matt who came to visit one time) And in both of them my face is lit by my iPad.
Until next time:
We have been here for almost three months now and I haven't felt the time pass.
It wasn't until I saw a friend post a picture of a blooming lilac bush on Facebook that I realised it's summer in Sweden now. It's not march or april, it's not even spring; it's summer.
In this town there's no seasons, not really. It's sunny, warm and dry almost every day. My body can feel some changes, the past week was not good for my head, it was sticky in the air and the grey skies lay heavy on my head and shoulders and hurt my eyes with a weird bright light that pierces through even the darkest of sunglasses.
But it's still just a variation of warm and sunny. And it's still summer.
So in my mind, in my body, time hasn't moved since we came here in march when the trees in Sweden had just started to get tiny leaves, and buds ready to burst the moment we left the country.
There's other things creating this strange time and space confusion in me.
I left a lot of things in Sweden and I haven't really replaced them with anything here. I'm not talking about stuff, those kinds of things are easily replaced or forgotten, but things that kept my mind busy and growing. You know- my job, my shop and all the work I did creatively, my friends.
I've been thinking a lot about this while we've been here. David is working long days and I have so many hours to fill. I was prepared, sort of; I knew I would have to keep myself busy until my part of this trip would start for real (because it will). But it's so very hard to create new things from nothing.
This is one thing I feel a purpose in- Writing. Another is Self Portraits. A third is working on evolving my creative work (jewelry, photos; art). But there isn't really any goals to work for, just the ones I'm making up for myself, and those can so easily be changed in a second if I don't feel them anymore. It's a sort of work/vacation vacuum, where nothing is familiar and all your fallbacks are in another country.
I see this part of my life as an experiment in Having nothing to do and What happens when your brain isn't challenged.
It's interesting. And quite frustrating.
And I think I will learn things about myself that I wouldn't otherwise.
So I try my hardest to fill my days and my brain with things in this weird time/space confusion I happen to exist in at the moment.
And I will share what discoveries this experiment leads to, if and when, I find them.
Also: this whole "I'm not going to blog iPhone photos anymore" thing is obviously not working out for me. My camera is way too heavy to carry around on my everyday adventures and my iPhone has proven to be a great companion in all of this, so without repeating everything I do on instagram, there will definitely be iPhone photos on this blog.
I actually have an idea; let's see if it will make me blog more. This post is a first try.
Until next time:
A staircase this beautiful shouln't be hidden away in a run-down office building, but I'm kinda happy it is, because that made the discovery of it such a pleasure for me.
Just look at this place. A true inspiration inducer!
Hoping no one caught me using the men's room.
I love finding places like this!
I ran up and down the stairs so many times, the sweat was pouring down my face and neck, but that's the way it should be when stumbling upon inspiration. No stopping until absolutely exhausted!