There's a special kind of thought that pops into my mind quite often. You could call it a favourite thinking exercise, or a recurring fascination.
It's about those times in life when you've been right at the edge of something new, and you can see the change coming but you don't yet know how it will affect your life.
I revel in those feelings.
The photos in this post are all self portraits from when we were in Palm Springs last weekend.
Five years ago in Gothenburg David and I went to look at what would be our first apartment together. We really wanted to get it, it was big had two balconies and was close to the city centre, so when we walked from the apartment to the grocery store down the street we tried to imagine what it would be like if this was our neighbourhood.
It was still winter and the small cherry tree outside the store had yet to grow leaves on its bare branches. We stood underneath it and kissed with so much hope and anticipation in our bodies, and I remember imagining us standing at the very same place in spring, kissing beneath blooming cherry blossoms. There was also worry, that we wouldn't get the place, and that this part of town would continue to be a stranger to us and not our home.
When we finally got the call that the apartment was ours I went back to that feeling in my mind, tried to remember how the neighbourhood looked but not really knowing where the streets went and what was behind the buildings and parks.
Over the years since I've learned how the area looks, I know what is behind the grocery store (ugly apartment buildings from the 80s), I know every twist and turn of the cemetery where I like to go for walks or evening runs, I know all the cute little shops, which chef at the thai restaurant on our street that cooks the best Pad Thai, and I even recognize some strangers that pass through the neighbourhood as a part of their every day life.
And I still try to remember that feeling of not knowing how the future will look, but being sure it will change soon.
I try to see the grocery store down the street in the same way I did that day when I was filled with expectations and longing for something new, because I like that feeling so much, I want to keep it in me forever.
It's a surrender, of sorts. You know that you don't have all the information, you know things will change and that it will make your life different, so all you can do istrust and hope, and let go until you're there.
And then, when you're there, you can never truly get that feeling back because then you KNOW.
Before we came to USA we were in the same sort of unknown space. We knew we probably would be going, but we didn't know when and how it would all pan out. It was too big to even dream of, too huge to comprehend. We could just wait and see, put our lives a little bit on hold until the call came that yes, we should come to LA, in fact- could we come next week?
That period is still so fuzzy to me. Impossible to grasp. It was just a vacuum.
But then, when we came to USA at the end of March, we didn't even have a place to live and we stayed at a hotel until we could find a more permanent place.
On the day we came upon the tiny apartment we live in now I was struck by that very same feeling.
We knew the name of the street, but not the house number, so we drove down the street trying to get a feel of the area and guess where exactly our life would be lived the following months.
I think a move to a new place is a perfect example of this "knowing but not knowing" state of mind. It revolves around so much more than just the house you live in (a new job creates the same feeling of getting to know a work place as well as colleagues). It's about the surroundings too.
You can never keep that fresh naive look at a place after you've gotten to know it, so now when I walk to the grocery store fifteen minutes from our tiny home I try to capture that fleeting memory of how it was when this part of the world was completely unknown to me.
And now I'm at one of those edges all over again.
We're moving to a tiny, but not quite as tiny, home in a part of LA where we've actually been before. We have a favourite sushi place in that neighbourhood. It's close to many places where we've been; restaurants, stores, a theatre and old book stores.
But now there are also small and winding streets we will call Home for a few months. Streets behind all those spots we've visited without knowing that our future home was hiding in the hills back there.
And I can't stop thinking, what will it be like to have these streets be my streets. How will it look in a month when I've walked all over the place, mapped every corner and bump in the sidewalk?
When I look back at the day when we drove there the first time and everything looked so exciting and unknown.
When I will know.
We're in Palm Springs over the weekend and one thing I really wanted to do was to see the desert and take some fun photos.
So today we did just that!
Sweaty as all hell, but WOW, what a place!
I took a gazillion photos with the self timer, so let's take a look at the best ones:
And then we started to imagine what it would be like to get lost out in the desert, and the self portraits took a turn for the dramatic...
The nature out here is like nothing I've ever seen before. David and I talked about how crazy it is that when people in movies go to another planet the entire planet has only ONE kind of nature.
Earth has so many different kinds of environments and the logical way to think is that other planets would be the same. Everything from snow and ice to heat and sandy deserts.
Also: I wonder how they survived out here without AC in their cars...
Today Swedish radio station P3 aired an interview with me for their segment about Swedes abroad (Svensken i Världen, Verkligheten i P3). I talked about the amazing journey it has been, and still is, after Lights Out went viral but I also mentioned the not so great experience of having my looks reviewed by men on the internet.
If you know Swedish you can listen to it here
It was so much fun to be interviewed about this whole experience and I think it went really well.
And let's take a look at some photos from the two days filming my scenes in Lights Out the other week.
I had a trailer to relax in, just like "real stars". And obviously I had to take silly self portraits to show off my new found Diva status.
Being pampered between takes by Hair, Makeup and Wardrobe.
I had a blast filming and really hope this is just the beginning for me. I was quite nervous before shooting because this was the first time I acted in English. It's scary to act in another language than your own, but I think it went well.
This week it's been 38 celsius degrees outside, and that is just way too many celsius degrees for me! On friday we're going to Palm Springs over the weekend (because on monday next week we celebrate our two year wedding anniversary!) and it's supposed to be around 42 celsius degrees there. I'm terrified.
I will be staying in the pool the entire weekend, that's for sure!
Talk to you soon, dear friends and readers.
On tuesday and wednesday last week I was filming my scenes for Lights Out and it was AWESOME! I had so much fun and I loved every second of it. I might show you some pictures in a while, if I can be bothered.
Today though I'm going to share a million photos of sunsets over mountains. Among other things.
When Lights Out was wrapped David and I had the rest of the week off and we were in dire need of some serious relaxation.
So we rented a big cabin in the mountains, at Lake Arrowhead, and spent thursday to sunday there.
And it was heaven.
We both got a cold, because our bodies could relax for the first day in weeks, but it was still the best weekend ever!
We got a glimpse of what our retired lives might look like when we're old and grey. Amazing, is the word.
Let's take a look, shall we?
These are mostly shot with my Nikon D7000 but I'm sneaking some iPhone photos into the mix as well.
When we checked out the cabin we realised the balcony on the middle floor would be our hangout for the entire stay. Because this was the view.
It was about to rain and the clouds and sun we're making weird shapes in the distance.
You see what I mean about Retired life? We will find ourselves a cabin somewhere with a nice view and sit there in our recline chairs for ever. I have no doubt.
An hour later it looked like this. *cue the angel choir*
Houses on the opposite mountain.
And then this. (This is an iPhone photo by the way. Mind blown.)
So soft and fluffy and soooooooft.
Just so beautiful!
(Are you tired of mountain views yet? Sorry, there's more...)
The morning after we both woke up with a cold. David talked with his family and friends back home in Sweden. Infront of the mountains.
In the afternoon we went out on a tiny adventure to see more of the mountain roads.
And I took some iPhone self portraits.
This was close to a shooting ranch and signs said it was a No Parking zone. But we're rascals...
After a while we got hungry. So we drove to Sky Forest and had sandwiches at the Hungry Bear.
Don't you just love the names? Sky Forest must be the prettiest village name ever.
That's a Hungry Bear.
The guy taking our order asked us if we were "Locals? Veterans? Or just Cool People?" because he wanted to give us a discount. We agreed to the cool people. We also got free cake pops. And the guy had the best eyebrows I've ever seen.
They sure love their Cabin Chic style...
We drove randomly and stopped at a place called the Rim of the World.
The view was spectacular.
Took a Panorama with my iPhone to get all of the view into one photo.
And we were cute, if a bit tired.
Back at the cabin in the trees.
In time for another beautiful sunset.
I went out to catch the golden light with my iPhone and gorillapod.
I had a perfect view of David drawing and the mountain sunset from my seat.
I like the trees on top of the mountain. They look so cute, and almost painted there.
When it got dark we played Jenga.
And then, close to midnight, we went out on the deck and sat in the hot tub under the starlit sky, and it was magical with the sounds of the forest all around us and the clearest stars I've ever seen above us. No photos of that because it was completely dark outside.
On saturday I could really feel my cold. I sat under a blanket reading for a couple of hours (looking white as a sheet in the face).
We did nothing all day and then in the early evening we went to Stone Creek Bistro and ate a great meal as a sort of "End of the weekend away dinner".
When we got back to the house the sunset was coming. This is the view from the top floor/loft. That window wall was so amazing!
I decided to take some self portraits with the Nikon camera for a change. I got a new fixed lens for the camera (This one
if you're curious) and I wanted to try it out with the self timer.
This place makes you feel tiny.
Doing some dancing.
And then one with the iPhone, for instagram
Look at that smokey blue in the distance!
The gas stove was perfect for toasting marshmallows.
Then on sunday it was time to leave. I went out to get a photo of one of the HUGE pine cones there. I kinda wanted to bring one with me, but this one was lying in someones garden so I didn't dare to take it. Pineapple sized pine cones! Size 9.5 foot for reference.
Post card view before leaving for LA.
And I'll leave you with this cute as hell photo of David and me on our way to the cabin. The gorillapod is sitting on the car door, if you're wondering.
I love the 70's feel of this photo. And I love that man. So very much.
Hope you liked this glimpse into our weekend away and that you didn't get too tired of all the mountain photos, haha!
Talk to you soon!